TWO POINT FIVE CENTS

"How happy is the blameless Vestal’s lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot; Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d." - "Eloisa to Abelard" - Alexander Pope

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Tremendously intense and heartfelt. This song never fails to make me tear. I think I’m a person that tears easily; even at the sight of the slightest thing. Even songs, some means so much to me that it brings tears to my eyes. I think these are just heart warming little things in life which I yearn to have or am afraid to lose. Well, I guess tearing and crying isn’t a sign of weakness, but a form of emotional and spiritual release. It’s to express feelings that no alphabets can. Tears do not necessarily denote weakness, but can connote bliss, sympathy, empathy and appreciation. Appreciation such as to appreciate the moment that you’ve always been searching for in your whole life; the moment that completes you with something that you’ve been missing and never knew of.

The whole song is so perfectly written. Love love love Kings of Leon.

With love,

Dion

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"I just wanted to know if I could go home, been rambling day after day. And everyone says I don’t know." - "Notion" - Kings of Leon.

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Heart of a child.

Have you ever realised? As we grow older and bigger physically, we shrink into a 4 foot scrawny little kid in our heart. Just try to recall when you were a child, how often would you do a somersault without the fear of falling? How often have you continued to run around the playground despite countless of awful falls? How often have you laughed at an adult when he or she is reprimanding you and you took it as a joke? How often have you picked up an insect with your bare hands no matter what species it was? How often have you walked up to a tiger behind the glass panels in the zoo with an attempt to pat their heads? How often have you cried for milk and won’t back down until you get your milk? Now, look at ourselves in the present. Are we still as intrepid as we were? We’re not; we grow with too much fear, and fear grows with age.

If you ever look at a child from another perspective, they’re actually the bravest and the most fearless being. They cry not to ask for sympathy, but to stand on their grounds. “I want milk!” means “I want milk!”. They’ll never back down until they get what they want. They are not afraid to show their colours and they do not care about judgements. They cry, they laugh and they look deep into your eyes and reach for your soul without fear.

Then we would question ourselves again, why are we stuck in reverse? Why do we have a heart of a 4 foot scrawny little kid, while a child has a heart of a giant? Well, it so happened because of one thing. Fear. Fear is a cage, one that’s so strong neither Zeus’s lightning bolt could break it. This cage keeps us imprisoned like a bird, it offers protection yet shuns off beings of our kind from entering our world; building up a concrete wall in our heart. This cage feeds onto fear and negativity; it stops us from loving, trying, believing, giving and trusting. Only the strength of love can break this cage, only trust can shatter this wall.

At this point, ask yourself again; what’s the point of living in this cage of fear? Don’t you feel despairingly and miserably sad when you keep yourself imprisoned and confined within this cage? And if that’s the case, what would be the point of living? Why lead a sorrowful life when you have a choice?

Set yourself free from this cage of fear. Embrace everything in your way and everything around you no matter what come may. Fear has taken too much away from us, and we’ve missed far too many beautiful things in life because of fear. Life’s momentary, it’s too short for fear to blind us from the beautiful things. And for this world is such a beautiful place. Be brave. Smiles!

With love,

Dion

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The Sun.

As I closed my eyes, I could picture myself at the bottom of the waterfall. My spirit left my body as water came crashing down and engulfed me like fire would, leaving my body stranded all in love on my own. My spirit broke barricades of boundaries which I once felt so chained to this earth; it felt so light as I levitated into the limitless sky. Nothing could stop me; nothing.

But I was getting weaker and weaker as time went by, and I soon realized I’ve wandered into the land of the dark. I looked around and found nothing but myself stranded in this spooky town, where stoplights are swaying and the phone lines are down. The floor is crackling cold; I could no longer feel my heart, I think it’s gone with my soul. And out of a sudden, the sun came up from far apart; I could feel myself enervated and insubstantial as the sun shone on me. I could see a storm bubbling up from the sea, so with the moon I run, far from the carnage of the fiery sun. But there was no way I could outrun the sun; I was reduced to dusts and atoms as the beam of ray caught me. I felt so much lighter once again as I disintegrated, but after a few moments, I could feel my weight increasing over time; I could feel the weight of the world as gravity pieced me back together. 

Soon after, I could feel my heart beating once again with blood gushing through my arteries, veins and capillaries rejuvenating my every cell. As blood crashed into my brain, I could feel tons of electrical impulses bursting out and electrifying my body. Instinctively, I sat up swiftly and gasped for air like a newborn; I coughed and wheezed as I opened my eyes. My pupils were dilating, they were no more than 2 inches wide; red, filled with anger and perhaps a little bit of fear while I’m still trying to decipher if that was a dream. I’m shivering and freezing; it took me moments to realize I’m back at the waterfall feeling revitalized at the same time. I’m back to life, I’m back to Earth.

With love,

Dion

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Eloisa to Abelard.

"How happy is the blameless Vestal’s lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot;
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d.

                                              - Alexander Pope

I wish, at times.

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Love for all beings.

Compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit self to mankind. - Albert Schweitzer

Mankind should not limit compassion and ethics to its own kind; but emancipate this thought of supremacy and ego centrism, and embrace all living beings on earth in the name of equality. Mankind may well be more intelligent than other beings in creating the modern world, but it doesn’t mean that mankind reigns supreme over other creatures in a way that we can live in negligence and denial of the rights and existence of other beings.

Animals are vulnerable to us mankind, for we’re stronger and more detrimental with what we’ve created upon our two hands.  Animals like us may feel pain and perhaps contain emotions; but we lack the ability to comprehend how they feel because we do not speak the same tongue. This inability and ignorance shall not be the reason for mankind to overwrite and rip the other beings of their rights. Mankind should develop and maintain the capacity to accept the existence and rights of all beings instead of limiting compassion to our own kind. Love animals.

With love,

Dion

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Will you not?

I just hope you wouldn’t lose trust and faith in humanity. Though we may be scarred by the people around us; leaving us in acute misery and despair, we must not shun them away from our world. Embrace them, and they’ll lead us to love. We shall let these build us but not let us build walls. Should we hold resentment for them, we’ll become our enemies; and we’ll lose ourselves gradually. There’s always some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us; and when we discover this, we’re less prone to hate our enemies. Let’s still trust despite the scars and bruises, you’ll gain strength and love in return.

With love,

Dion

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Birds.

We all live our lives in a cage that we build for ourselves. This cage is made up of bars, and these bars are built upon our experiences, values, emotions, failure and anything that could have left an impact on our lives. When fear, failure and sorrow strikes us; these bars strengthens and grows with negativity making the cage stronger. These bars makes up who we are; a weaker individual imprisoned in our very own world without courage to face the reality of the world.

When we are imprisoned in this very cage that we’ve built upon ourselves, we lose trust and faith in humanity; and most of all, we lose ourselves. Because we stop giving, trying, trusting, believing and loving like we used to.

Why should we live our lives this way? What do we get out of this? Nothing, but leaving us trapped in this abyss of powerlessness to emancipate our souls; to embrace what come may.

Yours truly,

Dion

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Freed.

Running at night has definitely helped me to cope with the amount of stress I have in school, or rather as a person. I love running at night. It’s like I’m free from everything; I feel light; there aren’t any boundaries and nothing’s on my shoulders. No commitments, no responsibilities and no rules just for a moment. To run with music in my ears is an icing on the cake. Music shuts me off from the world, and it digs into me, reaching my soul like no one else does. It literally felt like I was in a music video, running with an emotional song alone at night.

I guess I’m pretty much a weirdo, but it feels awesomely great to lie on the bridge of the playground after a long run at night. My troubles went with the wind for a moment, as the night breeze brushes gently over my face. And as expected, passer-byes looked at me thinking that I’m weird or homeless. For once, I turned my head over to the passer-by that was looking at me; in shocked, he looked away. It was pretty funny when he tried to pretend like he wasn’t looking at me. With him walking away, I tilted my head back and continued gazing up into the sky with a goofy smile on my face.

Yours truly,

Dion

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For a moment, just for a night.

All I want to do is to have a bottle of booze in my hand, while I lay the other at the back of my head and my body flat on the straw mat over the greenest grasses. I would do nothing but gaze up into the endless skies and take deep breaths to savour the sweetness of dew in that hassle-free night. With that, I would indulge myself in the bottle of icy freezing cold beer, and plunge myself into the abyss of serenity. Just to get a little taste of life, hoping to leave my mind in nothing but tranquillity; for a moment, just for a night.

With love,

Dion

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What’s ahead?.

It has definitely been awhile. This blog is full of spider’s-web. Nevertheless, life’s been good and kind for the past few months, be it academically or non-academically.

Remember those times when you were in elementary school? Your teacher would ask, “What’s your ambition? What would you like to be when you grow up?” I said I want to be a policemen, firemen, gardener, teacher and all sorts of other occupations.

It struck me hard when I was 15 with this question surfacing on my mind again. I wanted to be a psychologist/psychiatrist. It was all vivid to me, I wanted a job that allows me to offer help to people in pain and agony. To be a hand to hold. To reach into their soul and reconstruct life. To listen to someone whom needs a listening ear. To offer a smile to strangers, because too often we forget a smile can turn a life around. But I couldn’t make it.

Life ahead was vague and foggy. Moving on to the tertiary level, at 18 years old I asked myself this very question again. A Barrister, is what I’ve decided I wanted to become. A similar yet different occupation from a psychologist/psychiatrist, it’s to help the people around me.

When I was young and naive back then at 15, I thought it was possible to change the world from the way it is. To be a social worker, a voluntary social worker in the society to serve the “misfortune”, and transform this “ugly and wretched world” into what the majority of us perceived as a “better place”. To eradicated the “bad people” on this earth, the selfish, the criminals and everything else which we perceived as “bad”. This idea of mine still very much exist, with the intend to be a Barrister and bring about justice.

It was until the 17th year of my life, I started appreciating the beauty of this world. It all boils down to perceptions and oppositions. It’s the way we perceive matters. How did we come to perceive what is “good” to us? What is “bad” to us? Why are certain acts considered as “bad”? Why are certain acts considered as ”good”? Although it may sound extremely and utterly ludicrous, and however I am still against the idea. But to me, killing is no more an act of evil. Killing is what a murderer perceives as “good”, an act that would bring about what they perceived as “justice”. I’ve come to a state of mind that nothing on this world is true and exact. It is the nature of mankind to perceive matter individually as we evolved No one’s perception on matters was ever wrong and rght, including criminals. We’re of the same species, but who reigned supreme in the past to decide what’s right and wrong for mankind? Why was man granted with power, but women left in scrutiny? Why is it wrong for mankind to fight amongst each other like animals? It was always the chicken and egg question.

Moving on, for many a time, we hoped for mankind to hold peace and love for one another. But, I’ve forsaken this idea of mine which I held on for the 18 years of my life after an unfathomable thought. Oppositions are the flavours to life. It is the factor that gives us “life” and the feeling of being alive. For without the selfish, we wouldn’t have come to recognise the selfless. For without wars, we wouldn’t have attained peace. For without cold, we wouldn’t be able to experience warmth. For without what we perceived as bad, we wouldn’t have come to appreciate the good. For without noise, we wouldn’t have come to appreciate silence. For without love we would not have begotten hate. They are complementary to one another, they are what we need to live. Without them, life is futile and empty. Life would be nothing but a dream of nothingness and our existence would be worthless; forever in doubts.

Of course I do hope for world peace. For mankind to develop an everlasting capacity to forgive and love one another. But this dream of mine will not be realized, it is not what we need to drive the lives of mankind. The current world is what we need, to give the word, “life” a meaning. Mixed emotions of fear, anger, sadness, joy, happiness, grief and sorrow must exist.

Nevertheless on a contrary,  I hope for you to always love. Love the people around you, family, friends, enemies and strangers. Embrace hatred, anger and sorrow, for they lead you to love.

With love,

Dion.